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Survive Law

Working Hardly: Lawyer Jokes

January 7, 2013

Everyone loves (or loves to hate) a good lawyer joke. Since many of us are heading back to work today (boo hoo!) I’ve scoured the Internet for a selection of lawyer jokes that appeal to our legal sense of humour (pun intended).


We had contemplated writing some of our own, but the only thing worse than a bad lawyer joke is a bad joke written by a lawyer.
 
Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
 
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
 
Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And, one to sue the ladder company.
 
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
 
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge
 
Q: What’s the difference between accountants and lawyers?
A: Accountants know they’re boring.
 
A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. ‘There must be some mistake’ the lawyer argues. ‘I'm too young to die. I'm only 55.’


‘Fifty-five?’ says Saint Peter. ‘No, according to our calculations, you're 82.’


‘How'd you get that?’ the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, ‘We added up your time sheets.’
 
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

 

 

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