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Working Hardly: Hilarious things said in Court

September 1, 2013

We’ve scoured the Internet and found some of the most hilarious, dry, witty and bizarre courtroom conversations. Enjoy!

 

Mr. Wilson: The Magna Carta has established itself as the most essential - most important treat every to be devised. This is acknowledged even down in Canberra. Down in Canberra they have erect the Magna Carta monument. Have you been to see it? You will not answer? Mr Callinan, have you seen it?

 

Callinan J: Look, you cannot really ask me questions, but, yes, I did see it, Mr Wilson.

 

Mr. Wilson: Well, this is a two-way thing, you were asking me questions and I am asking you.

 

Gummow J: No, it is not a two-way thing, actually.

 

Mr. Wilson: It is not?

 

Gummow J: No.

 

Mr. Wilson: You are a dictator, are you?

 

Gummow J: No.

 

Source: Wilson v St George Bank Ltd & Anor S284/2001 [2003] HCATrans 597 (14 February 2003)

 

 

Gummow J: This phrase “BitTorrent client”, what is the force of the word “client”?

 

Mr. Bannon: It is just a word used to describe what is nothing more than a computer program.

 

Gummow J: But these clients, what is the force of describing them as “clients”?

 

Mr. Bannon: It is jargon - as my learned Mr Cobden, who would know this, it is just jargon.

 

Gummow J: They are not paying for anything.

 

French CJ: It is just the personification of a program.

 

Mr. Bannon: Yes, there is no client. I would hazard only a guess. It may be a relationship with the tracker system, but fundamentally, it is simply no more or less than a computer program.

 

French CJ: Mr Smith in The Matrix.

 

Source: Roadshow Films Pty Ltd & Ors v iiNet Limited [2011] HCATrans 323 (30 November 2011).

  

 

Mr Gageler: If your Honours then go to page 211 it is said after the quotation from Justice Gibbs at about point 3 of the page that that first jurisdictional question involves making was in essence a value judgment - - -

 

Kiefel J: You will have to forgive us if we are not following quite, Mr Gageler. We have every second page photocopied.

 

Hayne J: So confine yourself to the odd-numbered pages, would you Mr Solicitor, and we will follow you.

 

Mr. Gageler: I am really sorry because the crunch point is on an even page.

 

Hayne J: An even-numbered page - we are in trouble.

 

Source: Hogan v Australian Crime Commission & Ors [2010] HCATrans 4 (4 February 2010).

 

 

Kiefel J: I would be looking to set the matter down for the hearing of the application for enlargement of time at 10.15 on 26 April. Now, do any of those dates cause you any difficulty?

 

PEGG: No, your Honour, it is my birthday.

 

Kiefel J: We could shift it, that seems - - -

 

PEGG: No, that is fine, thank you.

 

Kiefel J: No, no, that is just too awful, I think.

 

Source: PEGG v The Honourable Justice John Alexander Logan of the Australian Federal Court & Ors [2012] HCATrans 40 (16 February 2012).

 

 

Mr. Tehan: What we mean by “free choice”, your Honour, is a choice unconstrained by any pressure, hope of advantage or benefit or force or coercion or compulsion, a true free choice.

 

Gleeson CJ: You would be surprised to know that there are places I would rather be than here at the moment and the psychiatrists might explain my presence at the moment by reference to a number of influences or pressures that produce that consequence, but I thought I was here as a result of a free choice. How is that consistent with your explanation?

 

Hayne J: Good luck, Mr Tehan.

 

Mr. Tehan: It is always a matter of degree, your Honour.

 

Kirby J: I could not think of a better place to be than here. 

 

Source: Tofilau, Marks, Hill & Clarke v The Queen [2007] HCATrans 81 (27 February 2007).

 

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