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The Best of Lionel Hutz

June 17, 2012

Survive Law has often posted the quotes of great legal minds, and sometimes quotes from popular culture which sum up the profession and subject so perfectly. But there’s a deficiency that must be remedied: the words of our favourite television lawyer, Lionel Hutz.

 

Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water.


--


Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story". 



--


That was a right-pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as "an agreement under the law, which is unbreakable." Which is unbreakable! Excuse me, I must use the restroom.


-- 


Hutz: I move for a bad court thingy.

 

Judge Snyder: You mean a mistrial.

 

Hutz: Right!! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.

 

Judge: You mean the lawyer?

 

Hutz: Right.


-- 


Hutz: No don't you worry Mrs. Simpson, I-Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.

 

Marge: Is that bad?

 

Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog. 


 

Marge: You did?

 

Hutz: Well, replace the word “kinda” with the word “repeatedly,” and the word “dog” with “son.”

 

Well, that covers a few of his finest. As a bonus, here’s a quote from the blue-haired, nasally-voiced lawyer whom Hutz always seems to go up against: 

 

Your Honour, my client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is, and that he is not like other men.

 

Truly inspirations for us all.

 

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