I remember when I first heard that there was such thing as a law ball. A ball! Dream #242: check.
But let's be honest, the ball isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's kind of like New Years Eve. Every year you make big plans. Ever year you build it up. Every year you make a promise. And every single year, nothing happens. Well, nothing amazing happens, like finding your one true love, who happens to be a prince, while wearing the most gorgeous gown, and beautiful shoes... Okay, maybe my unrealistic Disney expectations taint my view a little. But still, law ball is just like all the other boozed up uni parties, but suited up.
In fact, I would even go as far as saying that more bad things happen than good. So, as I start the preparations for my last law ball ever, in what is part flashback, part warning, here are my top ten tips on how to have the worst law ball ever…
1. Organise it. As with everything else in life, Murphy’s Law applies to Law Ball. When something inevitably goes wrong, as the organiser you will bear the sole burden of fixing it... in heels (unless you're a guy, in which case, you're comfortable clothing dictates that you solve the problem quicker).
2. Make a fashion mistake. You'll be hearing about it (and untagging Facebook photos) for the rest of the year.
3. Sit with people you don't like/don't know. It's meant to be fun and carefree. The wrong seating ensures that you'll be miserable and awkward until dessert is finished and you can desert your table.
4. Bring a non-law date. I know this is a contentious one. But really, it's LAW ball. It's full of lawyers and law students trying to unwind with fellow lawyers and law students by sharing law stories. No one cares about your date's exciting career as an accountant, so you'll be stuck having to babysit them and explain all the law jokes... by yourself.
5. Get ridiculously, off your face, out of this world drunk. Eventually people will stop laughing and will just walk away. Also social torture.
6. Make a speech. No one wants to listen to you, really. No matter how good your speech is, you'll be battling the whispers around the room, which get louder and louder the longer the speech goes for. The longer your speech is, the more people will hate you.
7. Arrive late. Not fashionably late, late as in you'll be dodging the waiters as they're passing the food around to starving girls in tight dresses. Awkward. Also, you run the risk of losing your seat and having to fight for it... yes, that happens.
8. Hook up with a fellow student. It'll be awkward the next day, we all know it. (N.B. This goes hand in hand with number 5).
9. Think you can dance. Chances are, you can't. For your sake, leave your wicked dance moves at home. Of course, if you can dance, by all means, entertain the rest of us! (Just don't combine it with numbers 2, 5 and 8).
10. Forget your camera. You'll miss out on all the awesome, everlasting photographic evidence of the above, which will also probably make you feel better the next day.
Suit up and see you at law ball!
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