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© Updated as of 2019
Survive Law

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Working Hardly: Lawyer Jokes


Everyone loves (or loves to hate) a good lawyer joke. Since many of us are heading back to work today (boo hoo!) I’ve scoured the Internet for a selection of lawyer jokes that appeal to our legal sense of humour (pun intended).

We had contemplated writing some of our own, but the only thing worse than a bad lawyer joke is a bad joke written by a lawyer. Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”? A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store. Q: Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor? A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print. Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And, one to sue the ladder company. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand. There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge Q: What’s the difference between accountants and lawyers? A: Accountants know they’re boring. A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. ‘There must be some mistake’ the lawyer argues. ‘I'm too young to die. I'm only 55.’

‘Fifty-five?’ says Saint Peter. ‘No, according to our calculations, you're 82.’

‘How'd you get that?’ the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, ‘We added up your time sheets.’ Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God? A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

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#procrastination #lawyerjokes #humour