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Lawyer Jokes

Laughing shark

Not only are exam marks due out at any moment, but also the holiday season is now officially upon us! There’s the last-minute dash for presents, that niggling worry about how you went last semester, plus summer school classes or holiday work experience to fit in. At times like this, we all need a good lawyer joke!

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do lawyers do when they die? A: Lie still

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more

An engaged couple are in a car crash and arrive at the pearly gates. There they ask St. Peter: would be possible to get married in heaven?

St Peter looks at the couple and says, "Hmm, I'm not sure. I might need to consult someone on this. Wait a little while", and wanders off.

St Peter is gone a long time and the couple begin to discuss that eternity is a long time, and what if they decided to separate, could they get a divorce in Heaven?

When St Peter finally returns the couple ask him this, and St Peter looks at the couple, throws up his hands in frustration and screams, "Oh Come On! Do you know how long it took me to find a priest up here?! How long you think it’s going to take for me to find a lawyer?!"

Q: Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the lift (elevator) at the Ritz Hotel. As the lift travelled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a $50 note lying on the lift's floor.

Which one picked up the $50 note, and handed it in at reception?

A: Santa of course, the other two don't actually exist!

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