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Legally Witty: Funny Law Quotes

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Sure, the law and the legal profession are subject to more than a few wisecracks and tongue-in-cheek comments, but that doesn’t mean we can’t secretly enjoy them. Here are a few legal quips to brighten a dull day of study…

They do tricks even I can't figure out. -Harry Houdini

If it weren't for the lawyers we wouldn't need them.
 -William Jennings Bryan

If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers. -Charles Dickens

Law school taught me one thing: how to take two situations that are exactly the same and show how they are different. -Hart Pomerantz

You get a reasonable doubt for a reasonable price. 
-Criminal lawyer saying

It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour. -Thomas Jefferson

I decided law was the exact opposite of sex; even when it was good, it was lousy. -Mortimer Zuckerman

Whenever you wish to do anything against the law, Cicely, always consult a good solicitor first. -George Bernard Shaw

The judge is found guilty when a criminal is acquitted. -Publilius Syrus

I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney.-Samuel Johnson

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. -Will Rogers

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. -Fred Allen

Send lawyers, guns and money, the shit has hit the fan. - Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns and Money' (song) (1978)

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